Many years back I was recommended a book by a friend, someone whose opinion I held in high regard. The book was ‘Polyanna’.
It is a story about a little girl, who had to go live with her Aunt Polly after the death of her parents. Living in a very strict, stern environment, thanks to her aunt, Pollyanna employs the ‘glad’ game, taught by her father, to always maintain a sunny disposition and find reasons to be glad in every situation no matter how harsh it may be.
Every time she faced a difficult situation, be it her aunt’s dismissive behavior or the accident that left her paralysed for sometime, Polyanna maintained a bright and optmistic disposition looking for something to be grateful about in every event. As she moved about in her neighborhood, she inspired and brightened the lives of people who were completely taken in by her cheerful attitude.
With this philosophy, and her own sunny personality and sincere, sympathetic soul, Pollyanna brings so much gladness to her aunt's dispirited town that she transforms it into a pleasant place to live. The Glad Game shields her from her aunt's stern attitude: when Aunt Polly puts her in a stuffy attic room without carpets or pictures, she exults at the beautiful view from the high window; when she tries to "punish" her niece for being late to dinner by sentencing her to a meal of bread and milk in the kitchen with the servant Nancy, Pollyanna thanks her rapturously because she likes bread and milk, and she likes Nancy. (Source: Wikipedia)
Eventually, her ‘glad’ approach melted her aunt’s cold heart too who started to truly cherish Polyanna’s presence in her life underscoring the importance of gratitude, of appreciation in one’s life.
The big deal
Almost 100 years after Pollyanna was published (in 1913 by Eleanor Porter), the field of positive psychology began to seriously study the effects of gratitude on emotional well-being.
A large body of research1 revealed that those who employ gratitude in their daily life had a significant decrease in depressive symptoms and had significantly better emotional wellbeing than those who didn’t employ gratitude.
Another study2, revealed that participants who expressed gratitude reported better physical health, higher levels of energy, and improved sleep quality. Gratitude was linked to a range of health benefits and overall well-being.
Grateful individuals tend to experience more positive emotions, feel greater contentment, and have a more optimistic outlook on life.
A thing about gratitude?
Almost all major religious traditions in the world like Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam etc. encourage cultivating gratitude as an important moral virtue. For millennia, gratitude has been a popular topic among philosophers too:
Cicero said gratitude “is not only the greatest one but also the mother of all the other remaining virtues”
Hume wrote, “Of all crimes that human creatures are capable of committing, the most horrid and unnatural is ingratitude”
Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life. - Rumi
Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” – Oprah Winfrey
A grateful mind is a great mind which eventually attracts to itself great things.” – Plato
When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” – Marcus Aurelius
Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” – Zig Ziglar
There is no one as strong as a person whose heart is always filled with gratitude - Daisaku Ikeda
The most defining characteristic of gratitude appears in the writings of Nichiren Daishonin, the 13th century Buddhist monk, who wrote of the importance of repaying debts of gratitude as a fundamental aspect of human behavior. Nichiren always expressed deep gratitude to his followers and disciples who sent articles of food and clothing to support him while he lived in exile in truly difficult weather and environmental conditions.
Now gratitude is often misunderstood as having a positive attitude towards life, some kind of an irrational optimism amidst an obviously and evidently hopeless situation. Even the story of Polyanna was often criticized and misunderstood as being about someone whose optimism is excessive to the point of naïveté or refusing to accept the facts of an unfortunate situation.
So is gratitude just about being optimistic and having a positive attitude in life? Are there any conditions that are to be fulfilled for one to be grateful?
Deep awareness
Although there are many contexts and nuances to gratitude, at a very fundamental level, having gratitude means to have a sense of gratefulness (or thankfulness) at how our lives are being supported or benefited by the actions of others, be it big or small.
Gratitude arises from the awareness that we don’t live in isolation in this world and for our lives to be sustained at every level, the effort and work, seen and unseen, of many people and many events are required.
At a micro level: The food on our table is brought by the labor of so many people involved: the farmer who toiled in the heat in his field, the marketplace (mandi) where the logistics transporter picked it up and brought to our local market, the seller (or the hawker) who carried it throughout the day, or the new age delivery person from the app bringing it to our houses. While one may argue that they all did that work for money but a quick reminder to the Covid-19 lockdown will remind us how critical those very efforts were in sustaining our lives.
At a macro (say planetary level), our lives are sustained on earth by the delicate balance of earth’s magnetic poles, the centipetal revolution of the earth around the sun, the right temperature and balance of sun’s rays entering the earth through the atmospheric layers, which are neither too cold nor too hot, the planetary movement of earth protecting us from getting hit by random meteors, asteroids etc. and many such more events which, if one were to think, are held in such delicate balance in the universe.
Many people think that being grateful is an emotional reaction amidst the capitalistic, rational and deterministic society that we live in. This notion is far from the truth.
Having gratitude is actually a very rational response.
We must realize that everything in our lives is sustained together by the complex interplay of many forces, events, actions taken by other people, decisions, incidents taking place far our madding eyes. And majority of them are completely out of our control (e.g. birth, death, natural disaster, weather changes, Covid-19 to name a few). Infact, we influence only a very tiny percentage of what happens to us in our lives.
The aspect of gratitude stems from within this very chaos of our everyday life where everything is constantly changing, constantly undergoing transformation both, within our bodies and the external reality. And that while amidst this chaos, if our life is sustained, supported and continues to thrive, it must be not due to us but because of the intricate web of harmony and rhythm in the universe.
Being grateful has got nothing to do with your external circumstances. In that way feeling gratitude is the only true control you can exercise in your life.
Duality of life: The key to happiness
Gratitude holds the key to human happiness. Before we understand this in detail, we must know about the principle of the duality of life.
This concept clarifies that everything in life has two opposing aspects. These aspects are often seen as opposites, but they are actually complementary. For example, light and dark, suffering & joy, good and evil, male and female, life and death are all dualities.
Duality is a fundamental aspect of the universe. It is what gives life its richness and complexity. Without duality, life would be a very boring place.
The key to understanding duality is to see that the two opposing aspects are not actually separate. They are two sides of the same coin. They are both necessary for the whole to exist.
For example, light cannot exist without darkness. Good cannot exist without evil. There is no true joy without suffering. Life cannot exist without death.
Duality is a reminder that everything in life is interconnected. We are all part of a larger whole. We need to learn to accept and embrace the duality of life. This is the only way to find true balance and harmony. - Source: Bard.google.com
Many things happen to us in our long course of lives. Joyful and sorrowful. Beautiful and ugly. Life is lived in between these 2 poles.
And in every situation, these 2 opposing forces exist. At the heights of every victory or triumph, lurks the seed of a defeat or evil. Similarly, no matter how hopeless the situation is, there is always a silver lining…there is always something to be grateful or be ‘glad’ about. The question then is whether we can ‘view’ that reason to be grateful.
The ‘thing’ that will eventually decide our happiness (or our misery!), is not what happens to us but our approach, our response when it happens to us.
In other words, whether we can live life with a sense of gratitude as opposed to constant grumbling, complaining and dissatisfaction about people, events, issues, news etc. The same person in the same situation can feel miserable or joyful depending on the direction or orientation of their mind or heart.
In fact, history is full of incidents when defeat, the most painful of times became the moments that fundamentally shape the future course of lives and society.
Gratitude Vs. grumbling
Appreciation Vs. complaining
Contentment Vs. dissatisfaction
In a nutshell: When things are out of control in your life, when you feel that life is hurtling down a despairing spiral, be grateful. As per the duality of life, there is definitely something ‘meaningful’ in your situation. Look for that deep meaning, that silver lining.
When your approach changes from complain to gratitude, the gloom that has been hanging in front of your eyes will lift up and you will be able to see your life in a new reality. It will bring a fresh sense of well-being in your life.
Gratitude puts us in the driver seat of changing how we feel deep within. Gratitude gives us control over our feelings, irrespective of what is happening outside of us. Gratitude is the sword that cuts through the gloom, despair and misery and makes you create something fulfilling during the darkest times of our lives.
So next time, life throws a lemon at you: Be grateful. Play the ‘glad’ game.3
Wong, Y Joel and Owen, Jesse and Gabana, Nicole T and Brown, Joshua W and McInnis, Sydney and Toth, Paul and Gilman, Lyn. (2018). Does gratitude writing improve the mental health of psychotherapy clients? Evidence from a randomized controlled trial. Psychotherapy Research, 28 (2), 192-202
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
How to play the ‘glad’ game: To play the 'Glad Game,' begin by intentionally focusing on finding something positive or uplifting in any situation, no matter how challenging it may be. It involves actively seeking out silver linings, blessings, or lessons to be grateful for. For instance, if facing a setback, instead of dwelling on the negative aspects, try to find something to appreciate or be glad about, such as the opportunity for personal growth or the support received from loved ones. By consciously engaging in this game, we cultivate a habit of looking for the good amidst the difficulties, fostering resilience, and nurturing a more grateful outlook on life.